“Before the beginning of great brilliance, there must be chaos. Before a brilliant person begins something great, they must look foolish in the crowd.”
At the moment I am watching Super Bowl XLVIII with my family at home. There happens to be lots of yelling and munching on snacks. My feet are freezing, but I refuse to move from my position on the recliner in front of the television - not because someone might steal it, but because I do not want to miss the game.
I am live-tweeting the game and as I do, my pride in the Seahawks grows. I am what one might call a "bandwagonner." I did not follow the beginning of the season, mostly because I had just started nursing school. Reading about sports is more complicated that watching sports, so I simply did not keep up.
Watching the 12th Man from my seat, however, I wish I had kept up. The intensity of the fans and their uninhibited joy whenever fortune is in the Seahawks' favor is contagious. I imagine myself a true fan for the next few hours.
I think being part of the 12th Man is like being a member of the Church. It does not truly matter when people join in the celebration, what matters is when and what they celebrate. For instance, coming together for mass every Sunday for the Word and the Eucharist is similar to gathering for games and eating Skittles (ahem, thank you, Richard Sherman) or Rally Fries (different sport, but still).
Earlier this morning at mass, Father had stated that although he knew we were all fairly preoccupied with the Big Game this afternoon, he wanted us to turn our focus to the real reason we were gathered. Of course, my mind then wandered to the game and whether anyone would accost me about my recent public support. Then, as the RCIA members gathered after the Liturgy of the Word, the thought struck me.
No one should give anyone a hard time about supporting a good cause. And with that I say proudly:
I finally finished reading the interview with the pope published a few weeks ago! There are many things I want to write about regarding his interview, but I thought I would segment my reflection based on sections of the interview which I thought was very well structured. I appreciated Fr. Spadero's comment about Pope Francis thinking carefully rather than giving quick responses.
One of the first things that struck me was his comment about not being used to talking to masses. He says, "I manage to look at individual persons, one at a time, to enter into personal contact with whomever I have in front of me."It reminded me of a scene in Lord of the Rings where Galadriel, the Queen of the Elves, is talking to the Fellowship and makes eye contact with Frodo and speaks to him while simultaneously continuing her speech to the group. Obviously, Pope Francis is not creepy like Galadriel is and is much more well-intentioned than Galadriel. His statement also reminds me that he wants individual contact with everyone just as God does.
One of the first questions of the interview was about himself. Pope Francis spoke about himself saying, "I am a sinner, but I trust in the infinite mercy and patience of our Lord Jesus Christ, and I accept in a spirit of penance." What a sense of humility! I often feel what is commonly known as "Catholic guilt" and when I do I am suckered into feeling unworthy of God's love and mercy. As a fellow sinner, I appreciate Pope Francis' trust in the Lord knowing what He is doing because it is hard sometimes (understatement of the year).
I learned a lot about the Jesuits during high school and spent quite a bit of time getting to know St. Ignatius, the founder of the Jesuits, so I immediately felt a connection with Pope Francis because of his Jesuit affiliation. When he was speaking about becoming a Jesuit, Pope Francis said he was struck by his constant search for community - something I, too, also look for. Community just so happens to be one of the characteristics I found most attractive about Linfield and am I so grateful for it now that I am here. He also talked about the missionary spirit and discipline characteristic of the Society of Jesus. I wonder now that I am separated from a more direct connection with the Church (being off at an religiously unaffiliated college), how much my education in high school had to do with my positive feelings and responses toward missionary spirit and discipline.
In the interview, Pope Francis says that discernment is something from Ignatian spirituality that helps hi live his ministry. Discernment has something I have always struggled with, so it was interesting to hear what he had to say about and his experience with discernment. Pope Francis spoke so succinctly that I will not summarize what he had to say on the subject:
This discernment takes time. For example, many think that changes and reforms can take place in a short time. I believe that we always need time to lay the foundations for real, effective change. And this is the time of discernment. Sometimes discernment instead urges us to do precisely what you had at first thought you would do later... My choices, including those related to the day-to-day aspects of life, like the use of a modest car, are related to a spiritual discernment that responds to a need that arises from looking at things, at people and from reading the stage of the times... The wisdom of discernment redeems the necessary ambiguity of life and helps us find the most appropriate means, which do not always coincide with what looks great and strong.
As Fr. Spadero cleverly noticed, discernment is an important part of Pope Francis' spirituality and emphasizes his Jesuit identity. Pope Francis commented on the Society of Jesus, saying, "[it] looks to a center outside itself; its center is Christ and his church. So if the Society centers itself in Christ and the church it has two fundamental points of reference for its balance..." I appreciate the fact that Pope Frances recognizes the tension of an institution in its strive to maintain balance. It is not as simple as "focusing enough" on the "right things." Everything in the preceding sentence seems vague, doesn't it? The same goes for a spiritual life. There must be a dynamic tension keeping one's spiritual life in check - for example, making sure one is neither unconsciously nor consciously selfish. If one is consciously selfish, one will forgo opportunities of generosity, but if one is unconsciously selfish, one will take all opportunities to show generosity simply because one wants to be recognized as being generous.
Anyway, I may not be making much sense, but these are some of the things I thought about while reading about Pope Francis' thoughts about the Society of Jesus and being a Jesuit.
Today I attended the first meeting for a club called Nursing Students for Reproductive Health and Justice. It is a long title, but it is meant to be all-encompassing. We had a discussion about where we want the club to go and what we want to do. The six of us shared our reason for joining and wanting to participate in the club - mine being to learn and provide the best care for my future patients. Unlike some club members, I had no personal experiences relating to the club but tried to express my (possibly naïve) wish to help the community by connecting people with resources that could help them.
At one point we talked about abortion. Now, as many people are aware, abortion is condoned by the Catholic Church. One person reflected on the experience of having a professor proclaim a personal stance on abortion. It made the person not want to discuss abortion with the professor because their personal stances on abortion differed. I found it terribly unfortunate - not necessarily the fact that the professor stated a personal stance on abortion (I suppose everyone has a right to do that in certain environments), but the fact that dialogue was seemingly stunted because of the assumption that the professor would not be able to converse openly about a popular and controversial topic.
Cannot one discuss a topic with another without devolving into an argument or debate? Unfortunately nowadays it seems as if it is an impossible endeavor. Maybe that is why many refuse to talk about politics or politely defer in contentious discourse. Referring to my previous blog post about a particularly heartfelt conversation with my friend, maybe war is taboo because communication is stunted in so many levels of society by the impression (or dare I say assumption?) that personal beliefs are limiting to a holistic view, particularly religious beliefs.
I once argued in a high school paper about the death penalty (interestingly enough, part of a religion class curriculum) that my personal beliefs are validated by my own thoughts and feelings, not by an organization. I based my written argument on data, logic, and reason and my points were justifiable. I vaguely remember writing that if I had simply founded my thoughts and feelings only by the teachings of the Catholic Church and not by my own analysis and contemplation, I would consider myself a cult member.
The point of this post/rant is to encourage everyone to become comfortable with open dialogue. Communication is truly fundamental in every kind of relationship, whether it be societal, political, religious, or otherwise.
Most would think Sunday mornings are the perfect time to sleep in, especially on a stormy day like today. Not for me! Every Sunday I decide which mass I would like to attend. As I mentioned briefly before, I am Roman Catholic and I make it a point to attend weekly mass at the local parish. I have been fortunate enough to have been welcomed into St. Mary's Cathedral Parish and have been walking there every week since moving to Portland. It's usually a nice walk - early mornings in Portland are like none other. I usually run into a few homeless people, but I continually forget to pack something to offer them.
Today I was running late because I overslept. I packed a scone in my purse, expecting to eat it after mass when I stopped for coffee at Starbucks. Yet on my way to church I saw a homeless man and had the overwhelming instinct to stop and talk to him. I offered him the scone and impulsively asked if he would like to join me in going to mass. He said yes.
Can we take a moment to appreciate that a homeless person, a stranger, accepted my offer to attend mass with me?
I have no idea why I asked or why he said yes, I just felt like crying out of joy. I knew - I knew! - the Holy Spirit had something to do with it. Why would I do that? I mean, I know I have a habit of talking to strangers (thanks Ma), but still... If I had not slept in I would have gone to an earlier mass and missed the man nor packed breakfast to go. If it had not been raining I would have walked faster to church (because I wouldn't have to worry about stepping in puddles and getting excessively wet). I am still slightly flabbergasted at what happened.
The man decided not to sit with me at mass. I figured I would not want to intrude on his time with the Lord. I did not see him after mass, but I hope the man was able to enjoy his time with God.
Anyway, the homily today partially had to do with the Pope's interview. If you have not read it, I highly suggest you do. Later on I think I will do a segmented review of the interview as I have not entirely finished reading it. It seems as though there are some misunderstandings about it and I would like to discuss them and the rest of the interview as it has been on my mind lately.
Clarification: I have no idea what friendship is. I have ideas, opinions, and slight perceptions of it, yes, but the actual concept is so confusingly ambiguous that I have no definite idea what friendship. I do believe, however, that friendship, like faith, is in actions.
A friend came to visit yesterday despite the stormy weather and languorous journey. That in itself is worthy of appreciation. The fact that my friend came up the day I completed my first nursing school exam, when I was exhausted and wanted to relax was a godsend. There are some friends that I do not feel as if I have to entertain them and this friend was one of them - yet another reason I appreciate her visit (no drama or maintenance). Also, my friend is so very in tune with my personality that mind-reading is a common occurrence.
Meeting my friend in the lobby of my residence hall elicited an involuntary response - squealing, jumping, and giggling. We were a sight to see! Reuniting with my friend was fantastic, but it was not until much later that I really felt our reconnection. My friend and I went out for fries just after 10pm and spent the next 3 hours talking about everything that came to mind. We discussed war, love, anxiety, friends, philosophy, politics, and more - simply because the topics came up naturally. My friend and I spoke freely, not feeling the need to disclaim nor withhold anything.
Our conversation made me frustrated that I cannot speak this way with many people in my life simply because they do not initially feel comfortable or if they do, they almost immediately become defensive. It bothers me that I am more trusting in the people that consistently show that I am their friend. Not necessarily through excessive compliments or Facebook posts, but through subtle gestures such as listening to what I have to say and responding accordingly, asking questions when needed, and not judging me based on my (sometimes inadequate) verbal skills.
I am not interested in flashy friendships. I am interested in friendships that exemplify the different aspects of love, as written in the passage:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13: 4-8
Although it seems as though I have high standards for friends, I try thinking of it as something I should strive to be for my friends as well.
